The Battle for Bainbridge on the Plains of Woodward
|We threw open the gates of the City with great fanfare and our leaders worshiped the false gods of Palo Alto.
For they brought trinkets and oracles with visions of power and gold. And they paraded their ringer, a giant named "Howard the Rheingold" before the masses for his name ringeth of bullion and he hailed from "The Great City by the Bay". And he had drunk from "The Well of Community", for he was anointed among all men.
He presented us with an immense wooden horse called ISP Channel for all to see and it held the greatest of all prizes: Broadband and "The Chatroom" and he being "The Whiz of Chat" said it would change our lives forever.
ARRIVING BAINBRIDGE ISLAND
But there were some among us that perceived his words as the tinkling of brass and wondered if this “Peacock of a Philistine” was not betraying a public trust? For the local community also had an oracle (a seer of great vision) for he had foreseen this time many years hence. A great false god in the shape of a horse like the one left at the gates of Troy and in it's belly it held a Dark Force, when unleashed upon a city it would lay waste to all in its path. Besides, there would be many broadbands and purveyors to choose from.
With years to prepare a defense in the form of a virtual fortress (A Community Web Site) the Seer gathered the community assets therein, in a subtle way by giving away free web pages to all who wanted one. For he had seen the true nature of the "Dark Force" and knew that it had a great thirst for the virtual essence of all small communities and with a "Giant Sucking Sound" would extract the wealth of the land. And the few villagers who had known of the prophecy came running to the seer exclaiming: "Holy horse manure, you were right. The prophecy is upon us. Even now our Lords and Ladies lie prostrate and fawning before the beast. What shall we do?" And the seer cast his eyes upon the reflecting pool of knowledge "The Great Net" and discerned the beast's true nature: a dark corporate shadow moving across the land, and he could see that there was more to this "horse" than meets the eye. He also perceived a weakness, an "Achilles' Heel" called "Venture Capital" and a great vast cloud on the horizon called "DotCom Bust".
So the day of the inevitable battle came and even the Seer could not foretell its outcome. It was to be fought on the heights of Strawberry Hill (Northland/ISP, the giants enclave) and on the Plains of Woodward and that day will live in infamy in the annals of Bainbridge Island and in the minds of all who were witness. In the camp of the ISP Channel and flying their flag were: The City of Bainbridge Island, Bainbridge Island Broadcasting (BIB), Chamber of Commerce, Team Winslow (Downtown Business Organization), sundry sycophants and 30 or so Non-Profit Organizations, and it will be known as...
So the Seer girded up his loins, took his shield of community spirit and knowledge, his sword made of the rare elements of ethics and integrity, forged over the years in the fires of the back rooms of Bainbridge Island and his sling, which held his secret weapon "Hamster Effect", and which he would have only one chance to use.
And he stepped alone onto the Plains of Woodward, totally unfunded and out gunned. And faced the giant, "Howard the Rheingold" with his mighty ax "Chat" and his shield "Venture Capital".
And a mighty battle ensued.
It went on for hours (some of the spectators got bored and left). Wini the Fearless of Lead was there, lurking in the shadows with BIB to video tape the event and hoping to show the demise of the Seer and his accursed Community Site (which she lusted after) on the 6 O'clock News.
The Giant definitely had the advantage early on and the Seer's best strategy was to be fast and avoid the blows of his mighty ax. But the Seer also knew the giant's Achilles' Heel. His shield, "Venture Capital" was heavy and weighed on him, and the giant was a little long in the tooth and heavy in the gut.
And so they battled on and on and a mighty cloud of dust formed making it hard for the onlookers to see. At one point in the struggle there was a pause and two faint shapes in the dust cloud faced each other. The Seer put down his sword and shield and drew out his sling with his secret weapon "Hamster Effect" and they both knew it was all or nothing. The Giant drew up his mighty ax and they ran at each other with a Celtic roar.
Then their was a deafening silence...
And as the cloud of dust began to thin there was one silhouette standing over another that lay crumpled in the dust...
Stay tuned, it will all be revealed in next week's episode:
"The Lords of Bainbridge hold a Community Round Table"...
When they announce to the world...
"THE INTERNET DIDN'T WORK!!"
(This is Bainbridge Island, This is who we are)
copyright 2007, Dave Henry
All rights reserved